Remember this, anyone? Yep, well, this is my family (without the oil well that made them millionaires).
Introducing the Clampetts of 2013. Why? Because this is what I have to contend with on a daily basis:
- The chain has come off the bath and so we have to remove the plug each evening WITH PLIERS that sit attractively on the windowsill next to the mirror.
- There is a bright yellow drill sitting the windowsill in the lounge next to an ornamental sphere and a framed photograph. Why? Dunno. Ask my husband.
- Every day we shine a torch into the dark recesses of ‘under the stairs’ to find our coats and often have to navigate by touch alone.
- Our tumble dryer door has been broken for about a year and has to be physically wedged back onto its hinges every time we use it whilst taking care to avoid dropping it on our toes.
- One of our children has to use a small table as a chair because the original chair is broken and we haven’t got round to getting a new one. (Even more sad is the fact that they fight over who’s going to sit on it, the poor, dragged up little souls.)
- My eldest has to put his underwear on in one room and then find his clothes in another. Why? Because he’s moved bedrooms but there isn’t enough room for his clothes in there yet until I make myself get rid of my toddler’s baby stuff that I’m still hoarding.
- I’ve sorted out the playroom but it doesn’t look any better because now there’s a pile of ‘miscellaneous stuff’ that I’ve got bored with. Also, I don’t know whether to throw or keep as it may well belong to a toy that is currently resting beneath the sofa.
- The vacuum cleaner is in our bedroom and has been since last Saturday as it was the only room I didn’t have time to do and I keep thinking I’ll ‘get round to it’.
- The corner cupboard in the kitchen must be opened whilst wearing a hard hat and steel toecap boots for health and safety reasons to avoid injury from falling objects.
- One of my toddler’s forks has been stuck down the back of his chair for two weeks now where he wedged it when he was refusing to eat his tea. I could probably do with going to get the pliers from the bathroom…
Yes, a nice oil well in the back garden would come in very handy. Actually, I wouldn’t mind if it just turned out to be a geyser of Chardonnay…